Almost Gave Up

This week, I felt like giving up on a lot of things, not the least of which was this blog. You know the feeling when life decides to creep into your backyard at night and fill it with manure while you sleep. Then you wake up to a shitstorm that you don't wanna face and it just gets worse and worse. My advice to anyone will be not to let that happen, but let's face it, $hit happens. I felt like giving up on friends, family, work and just trying to succeed. I don't mean that in a nihilistic, life-is-meaningless way, but so many things felt bigger than me and I just couldn't whup 'em. I don't know what point it was that changed all that, but I am pretty sure it had something to do with an experience that radiated surreal and downright miraculous. I held a child that was no more than 7 hours old and it was just amazing. I know it sounds trite, and everyone says how amazing it is, but now that I have felt it, amazing doesn't capture the essence of what it is. I was unwilling to hold the child at first out of the sheer terror that I might be responsible for hurting such a tiny, fragile, utterly defenseless little life. The child's father all but forced the baby into my arms and all I could do was recite "Support the head, support the head!" over and over in my head because that was all I knew of holding newborns. But when I got the child situated in my arms I felt a sense of amazement and joy that I know just couldn't hold a candle to what the parents feel. And the parents are such great people that I just can't say enough good things about. They employ Punkin as a nanny for their first born daughter, Bug, who is closing in on three years old. They have always been so kind and generous to Punkin and myself and just good people. And they shared that amazing event in their lives with us which I will not soon forget.

Ok, so I filled my quota for sappy, sentimental entries for the next dozen or so entries, but it's all true. Now, on to the task at hand: talking in circles about nothing in particular until my raging tempest of creativity mold this here blog into something to behold. I have had a few suggestions on things I should do, and directions I should take, and they are all good, but this is a piece of me, and only I can truly feel what is right for my reflection of me. One idea I was given may become a regular installment on this blog, kind of like Charlie Murphy on the Chapelle Show. This idea is to tell stories about the customers I deal with on a daily basis at my place of employ. Now, I must preface any following anecdotes or rants by explainging a few things about what exactly I have to deal with. Like I said, I work in an upscale natural foods grocery store. We offer nothing but products that are 100% natural, by the company's standards, and not the USDA standards of "natural" which are a joke. You can find anything from a $100 bottle of true aged balsamic vinegar of modena, to honey roasted peanut butter ground fresh from honey roasted peanuts (absolutely delicious by the way), to my favorite: natural, vegetarian fed dry aged rib eye steak. Want to find a good wine to pair with your new favorite cheese, or cheese for your favorite wine? Just ask. Want to get enough meat cut, vacuum sealed and frozen, to take on your yacht for your summer voyage down the coast? Just ask. The staff is all knowledgeable and well rounded, and if they aren't then there is most certainly someone standing nearby who will deftly aid you in your purchase or inquiry. I said all that to help you see what it is we deal with every day when we have customers come in and challenge our knowledge of products we have spent hours and hours a week around and most of us, years and years involved in the field. Those who don't have the experience learn quickly from the rest, but instead the customers take great pleasure in asking you what they should do if they want to make something, only to use something entirely different in it's place and thewn come back and complain about the outcome. Anyone else feel like pounding their head against a wall? That's what it feels like.
Customer: I want to make beef kabobs, what should I use?
Team Member: I would recommend the Top Sirloin or better.
Customer: I'll just use some beef stew meat.
Team Member: That is going to turn out tough and dry.
Customer: I have a lot of guests coming and top sirloin is just too expensive, and we will be serving a lot of other dishes.
Team Member: Ok, how much? (*under breath*: Don't like your guests very much do you)
Customer: Well, we are having 20 people, so how about 3 pounds.
Team Member: That isn't much for 20 people, I would recommmend between 6 to 8 pounds.
Customer: I told you we are going to be having other foods, can you wrap that up and I also need some other things can I leave my list with you and just come back for it all when I am done with my other shopping?
Team Member: Sure, I will have it ready when you return. (*under breath* ASSHOLE!)

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't even the majority of the customers, but they sure do tend to stick out from the crowd. And even a lot of those things I noted aren't even that bad if the customer isn't being condescending. Now, here are some of the stand-out questions I have heard that reinforce the phrase, "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."

Customer: How many shrimp are in a dozen?
Now I don't work with fish at all, but that was the stupid question heard 'round the store.

Customer: Can I have a pound of ground beef?
TM: The Extra-Lean or the Leanest?
Customer: Which one is the leanest?
TM: What was that?
Customer: Which one has less fat? Which one is leanest?
TM: *under breath* THE LEANEST BROUND BEEF IS THE LEANEST!!!!!! DID YOU MISS GRAMMAR LESSONS IN SCHOOL!!???? I mean, it's laid out for you, Leanest Ground Beef, so, I would assume, it is the leanest ground beef, wouldn't you?
TM: *to customer* The 9% ground beef is the leanest.

Where is the New Zealand Lamb from?

Now I don't mean this to sound like you should never ask anyone anything, but take a second and see if you can figure it out for yourself, to save yourself some embarassment and someone else a little frustration. We love running back and forth up and down the case for everything you need while you stand in one place talking on your cell phone the whole time acting bothered every time we interrupt your important conversation to ask what's next. And we couldn't get through our day without making sure there are plenty of free samples for you to stuff your face with and get annoyed when we stop making product you aren't even interested in buying so we can ask if you need help. And if you could just give us a blank stare when we ask if you need help that would be great. Or if you could ask EVERYONE else on the counter if they need help when we just asked YOU if YOU need help. Mind your own business and let us do our job. If you ask us about our product, don't ask because you don't know and would like to learn, just ask because you think you know better and want to waste ourt time with a pointless discussion that leaves us wanting to empty our scabbard into your rib cage. *deep breath* I am getting heart burn and a tense back just thinking all of this out. I think I need an intermission from this, so until tomorrow, I must bid you all adieu. And if you can, listen to Sarah McLachlan - Last Dance at the end of this entry it will help you be put at ease, I promise, it may have just helped me dodge a heart attack. Ok, half an hour of this is too much, and it is nearly 2 am, again, I bid you adieu.